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Something just happened. . .

Something just happened in my house tonight and I am a basket of emotions. You see, until today, my son has slept in the crib in the nursery, and my daughter has slept in a co-sleeper next to my own bed (or in my bed, it depends on the night).

My daughter is six months old today {cries}. The first half year of her life has come and gone! How did it happen so fast? So this evening, my husband and I finished moving furniture and making beds to prepare my son’s new room for him and the nursery for my daughter. I gave them both baths and slathered lotions on their perfect skin. We picked out jammies and read a book about dinosaurs.

I tucked my son into his new bed. His big boy bed. His bed with a top sheet and a comforter and no crib bumper in sight. I told him I love him and that he was the best. And then I left the room and he went to sleep.

I moved across the hall to the nursery, breastfed my daughter in the dark while we rocked in the glider. She became drowsy in my arms. I burped her and laid her down in her crib. She fell immediately asleep.

I am so proud of them! They are growing and gaining little bits of independence. I am happy and excited, and yet, I am crying. These babies of mine, that grew from nothing inside of me, who I bore into the world, who are literally my heart walking around outside of my body, are growing up.

I realized I can’t remember the last time that my little boy slept in between his dad and me. So many “last times” happen without us ever knowing that they are the last time. With each milestone that my babies reach, I toe the bittersweet line of being happy for their independence, and mine, and being brokenhearted that my loves need me just a little bit less. My babies have gone from being safe and protected within my womb to out into the scary world. They have gone from sleeping nestled perfectly in the crook of my arm, their sweet breath on my face all night, to sleeping within an arms reach, to not needing me at all throughout the night.

I am trying to focus on the good. I am getting more sleep – which is something I have desperately been lacking. My kiddos are growing more independent and secure in themselves. My husband and I are returning back to the couple we were before the newborn stage. I am already in morning for this period of innocence and dependence in my kids’ lives. Time is fleeting and though I spent a lot of time complaining about sleepless nights and not being able to poop without an audience, I recognize that this time will be gone, soon. And I will miss it.

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